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memswap.
HAPPY
ROBIN HOOD - EPILOGUE 2 - "Leo-san..." "Hm? Ah, not me, right? The cat?" "... Please live a long life. If you disappear, everybody will be lonely." - Surrounded by kittens and warmth in his school's archery hall. Leo and his junior, Tsukasa, name cats and confirm Leo's own place in his old unit.
BLUE FILAMENT - 4 - "You should be thankful you got off easy this time, Newbie~ If you do the same thing next time I’m gonna slice your head off!" - yea this is a happy memory. Leo reverse unos Tsukasa's attempt to kidnap him, ties up up, tapes up his mouth, and then parades him around school as he meets up with Tsumugi, a classmate. honestly i just thought this was so stupid.... why does no one stop this? where are the teachers? someone help?
REQUIEM - LUX AETERNA 30 - "I love all of you so, so much! I love Knights, who gathered together my shattered pieces and breathed life back into me!" - Finding friendship and love!! Leo finds acceptance within his comrades, and they all have a teary happy moment of rebirth on stage in front of a full... audience..... who watches all of this..... where's the shame? there's no shame.
GENERAL PERFORMANCE MEMORIES - look he's an idol. i have to. if you just want memories of jamming it on stage, go ahead. leo'll make whoever gets these do the choreo after, ok, so be prepared
SAD
HORROR HALLO - 13 - "You’re the only one I need! If you can’t even do that for me, I’ll… I’ll fall apart! I’ll be rusted and useless and covered in scratches! And all because you wouldn’t be the sheath to protect me!" Leo and Izumi break up :( aka Leo's unhealthy dependency and absolute stupidity smacks him in the face. He can't handle being misunderstood and hated, so he takes it all out on his only friend, blaming him for it all. Then Leo, in his infinite mercy, disappears from school for a While and just. leaves Izumi with this mess. Healthy coping mechanisms.
cw: suicide baiting. REQUIEM - LUX AETERNA 3 + 4 - "I hate you all! I’ve always hated you, all this time! All you ever said were things that pissed me off, yet you all smiled like that was just fine and dandy with you!" - leo's healthy coping mechanisms strike again!! You ever feel like you're gonna get left behind by your friends, so you lash out and gO FOR THEIR EMOTIONAL THROATS? Basically this is Leo tearing at the weaknesses of everyone he likes because that's just what he does sometimes.
CANARY HALL - 12 - "If Sena won’t beat me with a whip, I’ll have no choice but to do it myself." - When past experiences tell you your only worth is One Thing, and if you can't do it right you're gonna get abandoned.
ENSTARS BINGO (THE "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?" CATEGORY)
CHECKMATE - A SOLITARY THRONE 6 - "If we're not friends but enemies, we can't complain no matter what we do. With enemies, you can fight! You can kill each other! You can even have a war, and make it into a massacre!" - Leo offers an ultimatum to his old unit: become his enemy and get free use of all his songs... or love him as his friends, but be unable to use his songs. Everyone he asked chooses the former, and he ssssnnnaaaapsss.
CHECKMATE - A SOLITARY THRONE 8 - "I can be the throne a King like you can sit on... Should I just destroy every single thing that doesn't please you, every single person you don't acknowledge?" - Leo Tsukinaga becomes a Tier 3 Simp. Do you want unhealthy dependence? Making an embarrassing anime speech about how you'll become someone's One And Only Sword in your second year of high school? [slaps roof of leo tsukinaga car] this baby can hold so many toxic relationships
Not the actual scene but BLOOD COMPOSING - i honestly hate this canon. Leo protects a cat from a bunch of delinquents, ends up breaking his arm falling down, and then starts composing in his own blood. It's so goddamn extra. It is quintessential Leo Tsukinaga. someone pick this so they can ask why the f-- you would ever do this
ROBIN HOOD - EPILOGUE 2 - "Leo-san..." "Hm? Ah, not me, right? The cat?" "... Please live a long life. If you disappear, everybody will be lonely." - Surrounded by kittens and warmth in his school's archery hall. Leo and his junior, Tsukasa, name cats and confirm Leo's own place in his old unit.
BLUE FILAMENT - 4 - "You should be thankful you got off easy this time, Newbie~ If you do the same thing next time I’m gonna slice your head off!" - yea this is a happy memory. Leo reverse unos Tsukasa's attempt to kidnap him, ties up up, tapes up his mouth, and then parades him around school as he meets up with Tsumugi, a classmate. honestly i just thought this was so stupid.... why does no one stop this? where are the teachers? someone help?
REQUIEM - LUX AETERNA 30 - "I love all of you so, so much! I love Knights, who gathered together my shattered pieces and breathed life back into me!" - Finding friendship and love!! Leo finds acceptance within his comrades, and they all have a teary happy moment of rebirth on stage in front of a full... audience..... who watches all of this..... where's the shame? there's no shame.
GENERAL PERFORMANCE MEMORIES - look he's an idol. i have to. if you just want memories of jamming it on stage, go ahead. leo'll make whoever gets these do the choreo after, ok, so be prepared
SAD
HORROR HALLO - 13 - "You’re the only one I need! If you can’t even do that for me, I’ll… I’ll fall apart! I’ll be rusted and useless and covered in scratches! And all because you wouldn’t be the sheath to protect me!" Leo and Izumi break up :( aka Leo's unhealthy dependency and absolute stupidity smacks him in the face. He can't handle being misunderstood and hated, so he takes it all out on his only friend, blaming him for it all. Then Leo, in his infinite mercy, disappears from school for a While and just. leaves Izumi with this mess. Healthy coping mechanisms.
cw: suicide baiting. REQUIEM - LUX AETERNA 3 + 4 - "I hate you all! I’ve always hated you, all this time! All you ever said were things that pissed me off, yet you all smiled like that was just fine and dandy with you!" - leo's healthy coping mechanisms strike again!! You ever feel like you're gonna get left behind by your friends, so you lash out and gO FOR THEIR EMOTIONAL THROATS? Basically this is Leo tearing at the weaknesses of everyone he likes because that's just what he does sometimes.
CANARY HALL - 12 - "If Sena won’t beat me with a whip, I’ll have no choice but to do it myself." - When past experiences tell you your only worth is One Thing, and if you can't do it right you're gonna get abandoned.
ENSTARS BINGO (THE "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?" CATEGORY)
CHECKMATE - A SOLITARY THRONE 6 - "If we're not friends but enemies, we can't complain no matter what we do. With enemies, you can fight! You can kill each other! You can even have a war, and make it into a massacre!" - Leo offers an ultimatum to his old unit: become his enemy and get free use of all his songs... or love him as his friends, but be unable to use his songs. Everyone he asked chooses the former, and he ssssnnnaaaapsss.
CHECKMATE - A SOLITARY THRONE 8 - "I can be the throne a King like you can sit on... Should I just destroy every single thing that doesn't please you, every single person you don't acknowledge?" - Leo Tsukinaga becomes a Tier 3 Simp. Do you want unhealthy dependence? Making an embarrassing anime speech about how you'll become someone's One And Only Sword in your second year of high school? [slaps roof of leo tsukinaga car] this baby can hold so many toxic relationships
Not the actual scene but BLOOD COMPOSING - i honestly hate this canon. Leo protects a cat from a bunch of delinquents, ends up breaking his arm falling down, and then starts composing in his own blood. It's so goddamn extra. It is quintessential Leo Tsukinaga. someone pick this so they can ask why the f-- you would ever do this
HAPPY
PERFORMANCE
Choose your flavor! All performances are in these outfits instead, okay.
Grateful Allegiance
Silent Oath
Voice of Sword
Those experiencing these memories will feel great happiness and excitement. You really, really, really love performing. There's nothing better than the rush of being on stage, accompanied by the people you love, surrounded by the smiles of your fans.
ROBIN HOOD
You lay on the floor of the archery hall at school, surrounded by warmth. The exact source of it all is unclear. Perhaps it's the five kittens that clamber around you as you herd them gently with your hands... Or perhaps it's due to the presence of the redheaded, younger boy in front of you, proof of a return to a place you once thought lost.
"Suo," you call out, and he turns to regard you. "I wanna name these kittens, so can you give me some ideas? For now, I've thought up of names for four of 'em. This is Sena, this is Rittsu, this is Naru, and this is Suo! ♪"
He looks a little unimpressed at that. Not surprising, really. Those are all borrowed names from the group you so love, his own among them. But that's what came easiest... They’re young ones moving forward, close to your heart. That really is just Knights, isn't it? Yet, that's only four of five. As you tap playfully at the ground in front of the nameless fifth kitten, you ask your companion for advice on that last, troubling puzzle.
... And if he looked a little unimpressed before, he looks very unimpressed now. He hurls an insult at you in that perfect English of his, slipping easily back into Japanese to elaborate on the foolishness of your pure confusion. You don't know what he means, you truly don't, even when he mentions, simply: "Leo-san".
The name is unfamiliar. To him, you've always been 'Leader', and it's not until shortly after that you realize he refers to the kitten pawing at the floor, the one he speaks to gently and picks up into his lap. Knights is no longer a group of four, he says.
He tells you to live.
"If you disappear, everybody will be lonely."
It's warm. Here, on the ground of the archery hall and surrounded by kittens and companionship, you make a promise. You'd run away once from the burdens that weighed on you, but you won't run away again. For this little chick of a brat who believes so earnestly in you, for the people who welcomed this clumsy, shattered you back from the brink of death --
-- you’ll try.
SAD
REQUIEM
It's all a very cruel deja vu. Without thinking, you once again lash out at them -- your most precious people. You've grown. You pay attention to those around you. You've gone beyond naively thinking that the thoughts of others must match yours. You've stepped into the role they've given you wonderfully, haven't you? The one of King, of Leader. Just like before, you're really good at lifting people up... And, perhaps, that's why you're even better at tearing them down. Despite being renewed, hopeful, there's a fragment of you scared that you're beginning to regress.
This is your place. You know that now. You've struggled and clawed your way back to the sides of those you ran away from, placing together your broken pieces to allow yourself to stand. Is that not enough? In their eyes, are you still shattered, weak? With all you've aimed to endure to stand beside them, will they still leave you to stare at their backs? Your mind a blank, you deal with this the way you reflexively always do. Your words are cruel and merciless. The background attention you've paid is brandished like a weapon. Like a wounded beast, it's as if you strike with no clear objective.
Rittsu is nothing more than a cheap imitation, a nobody frustrated with never reaching the heights of his brother, but comfortably sleeping in the cover provided by that shadow regardless. No, he can definitely grow beyond that--
Naru is nothing but shallow pleasantries. A guarded facade that loses nothing, but gains nothing in return. No one loves a magic mirror that only says what you want to hear. No one loves liars. No, she's stronger and kinder than anyone else--
Sena bristles at your words, apologizes, desperately tries to get you to stop. I'm sorry, Leo-kun, and you've nothing left to say. You've hurt him once already. And Suo...
Suo looks past it all, and meets your blade. The hope that they'll look past your cruelties and remain flickers alive underneath that firm resolution. It's okay, it'll be okay. Right? They'll move forward, grow, and in that, there is proof of your own rebirth.
Despite your anxiety, you dare yourself to hope. If you leave this place, where else can you go?
HORROR HALLOWEEN + ISOLATION
The culmination of your fatigue spills out of your rusted heart into the school hallway, sharp words aimed at the person dearest to you. Light symphonies that had once echoed in your ears, written through the happiness of past days, move aside for this argument. They've moved aside for every single argument after every fight, every loss. The brilliance of the stage, of every note you used to write with ease, is almost forgotten.
You're tired. You're done. Here's a useless, dull sword, cracked and songless. The one you've turned on all your former friends. Sena -- you wished to prop him up with this, you know? And now, without mercy, you cut him down.
The words are a reflex. Cruel things that he returns, warped truths that you feel but don't feel at the same time. There's a throbbing, staccato rhythm piercing through your mind. A lump in your throat. He calls you his friend. That, too, becomes another knife that you drive into the one you love. You think: what if you hadn't hoped, Sena? What if you hadn't dreamed? We could've lived with a simple, mundane melody, instead of this directionless mess of a song! Those what-ifs drive your uncharacteristic bitterness.
There hasn't been a goal in sight for a very long time, but... you've continued on regardless, for the promise of fulfilling his wishes. You couldn't. You can't. The shame for all you've said floods in with that realization, and there's a hopelessness that you can't fight back.
You yearned to protect the things important to you, and now you've broken them with your own two hands. You tell him to forget as you leave and, even as he calls you back, you don't stop. You know there's no forgetting that, and there's no forgetting this.
It's over, right? You should just shatter completely, before this ugly self of yours becomes even uglier.
Maybe if it ends like this, Sena's regrets can die with you, too.
--
Your grave is a dark room surrounded by empty, crumpled music sheets. Somehow, in the hollowness, you still struggle to live. Still struggle to write.
Nothing comes.
You keep trying anyway, until your hands cramp up and your vision blurs, and even beyond then.
There isn't much to say here, because there isn't much at all.
CANARY HALL
The canary that forgot his song
Shall I abandon him in the mountains?
Oh no, oh no, you mustn’t do that
The canary that forgot his song
Shall I bury him in the small bush out back?
Oh no, oh no, you mustn’t do that
The canary that forgot his song
Shall I whip him with a branch from the willow tree?
Oh no, oh no, that’s just too cruel
The canary that forgot his song, if we float him out to sea on a moonlit night
In an ivory boat with golden oars, then he will remember the song he forgot
You write in the venue lit by the moon, pen in hand and surrounded by an endless amount of music sheets. The past, sad songs of yours were always met with some form of displeasure... So this time, for sure, you aim to give birth to something grand. New. Happy. Just like you swore you would.
That's always been your greatest talent. The biggest thing you can contribute towards the success of those you love. The one in front of you -- the one who took the biggest brunt of those unpleasant songs of old, who speaks to you as you write -- is one of those. It's for that reason, too, that you have to succeed.
Otherwise, what do you have? You found proof in the worth of your songs (not that you needed that) in the past, where friends would abandon you for them. But, in the absence of that, there's no guarantee that they'll stay...
It's a fear that keeps you writing, and the fear that makes it difficult.
ENSTARS??????
BLOOD COMPOSING i hate this
It all happens very quickly.
Those rowdy guys, who you usually leave to their own devices. They're just having fun, right? The cat, who wanders into the archery range. When the two meet, those antics turn malicious, and the cat is their target. Lighters and arrows, all horrible things, aimed at something that can't defend itself at all.
You really can't bear to watch it. They're all bigger than you, all unused to your acts of defiance, but you move anyway. You stand between them and the cat. You protest. Paint a nice, big target on your back. It's fine!
Maybe you think that you'll get hurt for a single, small moment. But, really, you're focused on the cat cradled in your arms as you avoid their shoves, their annoyed retaliation to your unexpected bravado. You're faster, so it's okay. They'll get bored and move on, like they always do.
They don't move on. You fall. The pain is blinding. You don't know what happens in between the impact and the sudden nothingness but, when you come to, you're... alone? You don't know. There's just the... floor, and the pain, and it hurts. Ah, that's-- It hurts. It hurts so much, and the tears spill out before you can control them. You hardly register the mewls in the background, as you think dully back to the cat--it's okay?--and...
Ah, it hurts... It hurts. But it's fine. The cat's fine. Shouldn't you consider this a great, novel experience...? Imagine a song, created from raw emotion like this? Notes, notes, notes, all overlapping and flowing from the excruciating, overwhelming everything you're experiencing right now. Each grimace is an eighth, every tear a sixteenth--
It's great!
--You struggle, but your other hand soon moves. With an index finger dipped in your own blood, you begin. A brilliant composition birthed from your happy agony will certainly be unmatched! Write, write, write, and something brilliant will spring forth from this event.
That's what you continue to do, even as the sound of frantic footsteps echo in the distance.